I never thought I’d be in this position, feeling resentment toward my own mother, but here I am. I’m struggling to make sense of my emotions, and I need an outside perspective. Am I wrong for being upset that my mom decided to quit her job and focus on “living for herself” when I really needed her financial help with my mortgage?
For some context, I’m in my early 30s and bought my first home a couple of years ago. It was a huge milestone for me—something I worked hard for and was incredibly proud of. My mom, who had always been a strong, independent woman, supported my decision and even encouraged me to take this step. At the time, she had a stable job, and while we never had a formal agreement, there was an unspoken understanding that she would contribute financially since she was living with me.
When I first got the house, I was in a good financial position. My job paid well, and I had savings. But then life threw a few curveballs—unexpected expenses, rising living costs, and a small dip in my income. While I could still afford the mortgage, things were getting tighter. My mom’s contributions, though never a huge amount, made a difference. But then, out of nowhere, she announced that she was quitting her job.
Her reason? She wanted to “live for herself” after years of working and sacrificing for others. She said she was tired of the daily grind and wanted to focus on enjoying life, traveling, and doing what made her happy. She assured me that she wasn’t asking for anything from me—she had some savings and planned to downsize her lifestyle. But in doing so, she also made it clear that she would no longer be contributing to the household.
I was shocked. I had assumed that she would continue working for a few more years, especially since she wasn’t at retirement age yet. I tried to be supportive, but deep down, I felt abandoned. I had taken on this mortgage thinking we were in it together, and now, when I needed her the most, she was choosing personal freedom over our shared responsibilities.
It’s not that I don’t want her to be happy. Of course, I want her to enjoy her life. But I can’t help feeling like she’s leaving me to struggle alone while she gets to be carefree. I never expected her to support me completely, but was it too much to ask for her to at least wait until I was on more stable ground before making such a drastic decision?
Now, I’m stuck between feeling guilty for being upset and feeling justified in my frustration. I don’t want to resent my mom, but every time I stress over bills, I can’t help but think about how things would be different if she had just waited a little longer.
So, am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I just accept that she has the right to make her own choices, even if it puts more pressure on me? Or is it fair for me to be upset that she walked away from a situation where I thought we were partners?