My best friend is mad that I’m hanging out with my boyfriend. What do I do? She started an argument and I’m not sure how to solve it.
As someone who has very recently been on the other side of this, I think I can offer a unique perspective. My best friend just got into a relationship with this guy about a week ago. Our prom was last night, and they went together. My best friend and I are super close, and we’ve talked all year about what prom was going to be like and how much fun we were going to have. But now that my friend has her boyfriend, they decided to go to prom together. I didn’t really like this because, before he came along, we had all these plans about what we were going to do on the day of prom and how we’d hang out a lot. Now that the boyfriend was in the mix, it changed everything.
Let me tell you—she was basically attached at the hip to her boyfriend the whole night. We didn’t dance to any songs together, we didn’t get ready together, and we barely even took pictures together. I felt so out of place and like an afterthought when we’d been planning this night together for months. I love my best friend so much, but I feel so hurt and betrayed by what happened last night. It’s not that I don’t want her to be happy or that I resent her boyfriend; it’s just hard to adjust to how much things have changed so quickly.
All of these people posting answers about how you should find your friend a boyfriend so she won’t be jealous anymore—I guarantee that’s not going to solve anything. Your best friend is most likely just reeling from the fact that now you’re splitting your time in half. It’s not that you shouldn’t have a boyfriend, but just try to see it from her perspective. You’re basically telling her she’ll only get to hang out with you half as much as before. It’s an emotional adjustment, and she’s probably feeling like she’s losing someone she’s always relied on.
Try to carve out as much time for her as you can, and ask her to let you know if she’s feeling neglected. I wish my best friend would do the same for me. Even just a simple acknowledgment of how I’m feeling would go a long way. It’s really easy to live in the honeymoon phase with your boyfriend, where all you want to do is spend time with him. But your best friend has likely been in your life for years and has stood by you through everything. She deserves your time and attention too, and balancing both relationships is key.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy your new relationship or your time with your boyfriend—it’s an exciting part of life. But don’t forget the friendships that have shaped who you are and been there through it all. Let your best friend know she still matters to you, and make an effort to include her when possible. It’s okay if things change, but communication and effort can help preserve the bond you’ve shared for so long. Sorry for the super long response, but I felt this was important for me to say.